PPD, lack of sleep, or feeling disrespected?

I'm not sure what I'm feeling, but it's not normal. I'd say PPD but I feel this way often, even before the baby was born. Some days I'm okay, some days I'm not. Today, I am not.

I could tell as soon as I got out of bed it was going to be this kind of a day. I was exhausted before the day even started. Mason even had an okay night. He only spent the last few hours of in bed with me, eating off and on. I have no recollection of time or when he ate because we was nursing while lying down and we both kept falling asleep. 

I've tried to be calm and happy all day, but once we went on our walk and I had a headache and terrible pain in my neck, it just hit me. I was in a "blah" kind of a mood and there was no getting me out of it. I usually stay pretty quiet during these times until I get annoyed enough that I start getting angry. At my house, that's easy to do. 

See, I love my kids, and I love my husband, but I'm also a bit OCD. That's something I can't seem to get my family to understand and help me keep a hold on it. My OCD stems from cleanliness and organization. These are two things that it seems NOBODY in my household can understand or respect. So, when I come home and see the same messes everyday, I snap on occasion. I mean, I don't feel like I can even get enough help to keep it picked up long enough to clean the floors. Hence the reason our floors are disgusting and I'm embarrassed by them. I've come to understand why people downsize. I'm tempted to do so on a daily basis. I mean, my kids all end up in our room most nights anyway, so what's the point of having a 4 bedroom home. We've also never, in our married life, had very many people come visit us, even if we live close, so no need for guest rooms. 

So here's the thing. I understand that they don't share my OCD, but I wish they would try to understand it or understand me and help me out more. Now, couple all of this with the fact that I have a newborn latched on to me every two hours (from start to start) and he takes up to an hour to eat each time. That leaves me an hour to get things done. I should spend that time with my family, but the mess literally keeps me from functioning, so I can't. I can't relax until it's clean. Instead, I get all over them (yeah my kids are 3 and 5) for not putting things away after they use them, for bringing toys downstairs, for being kids. I'm living in a lose lose situation for me where my relationship with my kids and husband can't seem to grow. 

I'm at my whits end and don't know what to do anymore. I'm so exhausted and feel like the only time I can find to clean is after the kids go to bed. But then I don't get time to relax and unwind. So, instead of using my time wisely, I shut down and sit on my butt. I don't know what to do anymore but I just had to get this out. And I'm pretty sure I don't even need to worry about anyone reading this unless I post that I've updated the blog.