New Years: We spent New Years Eve with a bunch of friends down in the River Valley complex. Just so I can remember, we ate and played games with (I think we only made it through one round of spoons) Brenna and Jaren Brooks, Tiffany and Steve Elgin, Kari Smith (held at her house an her husband had to work), Fawn and Dan Sternberg (they left early due to having a baby plus 4 other kids) and a few other stragglers. We put our kids to bed at the Brook's house and just used the iPads for monitoring. Thank goodness for modern technology because Max struggled that night for awhile. Anyway, while there, us women planned a trip to Thailand. With Fawn's amazing ness, she actually had the whole thing planned within the next week or so, with round trip tickets and prices and everything.
Thailand: So, Thailand did in fact happen. There were 5 of us who went. Brenna Brooks, Tiffany Elgin, Crystal Brown, Fawn Sternberg and I. I will write more on Thailand in my next post.
Pregnancy: This post is mostly about this subject since it has taken over my year of 2016 so far. I started to get sick between 6-7 weeks as usual, which happened to be the middle of January. So, Thailand was kind of rough for that reason. I started to get REALLY sick between 8-9 weeks. I had my first OB appointment towards the end of my 9th week and actually got called back in to get IV's due to my labs showing dehydration. I didn't think I was that sick yet. I continued to be seen every week after that, receiving at least 2 liters/week of IV until my dr. (Captain Justin Shirley) got really worried about my weight loss. At this point I was 12 weeks and had gotten down to 100 lbs. I couldn't keep any food or liquids down and was throwing up at least 7-9 times a day. The dr.'s at 121 (military hospital in Seoul) wanted me to try one more medicine before admitting me....reglan. I tried it and it didn't work. At this point I had tried 10 different meds/versions of the same meds and nothing seemed to help. My heart rate always seemed to be elevated. At one appointment I went in and had been sitting and it was at 135. I couldn't do anything at home or at all basically. Walking from the couch to the kitchen kicked me up to acting like I was doing cardio. I also naturally have low blood pressure and the pregnancy made it worse. So, I was told if I go to the ER in Seoul, the dr.'s there no my case and they would admit me to stop the nausea and vomiting.
That weekend, a friend (Cristen and Hank Taylor and their sons) watched the kids so Matt and I could go to Seoul and buy some couches. The military loaner's weren't cutting it anymore. They were hard and had no neck support and since I spent my days on the couch, I was going to bed every night in pain. Anyway, while up in Seoul, I wasn't keeping food down so I had Matt take me to the ER. It was a weekend, but they were still supposed to call the OB. The on call dr. didn't listen to a word I said and even gave me the wrong kind of IV. I had said the Zoran IV works for like a day and she ordered phenegran. Phenegran gives me nervous legs and anxiety this time around. It worked great for Max though. Anyway, she sent me home, told me to drink water and take my meds. I was pissed. I didn't know which meds to take and if I could drink water, or anything for that matter, I wouldn't have been there.
So, I told Cpt Hamilton about my ER trip. I was seeing him for the following two weeks because Cpt Shirley was in the field for Key Resolve (post wide training for combat). My weight seemed to stay steady so he wasn't too worried. I had a good week the first week so it looked like things were taking a turn. The day after that appointment, it got bad again. So, at 14 weeks I was at church and couldn't get my heart rate to settle down. I spoke with one of the dr.'s (Major Campbell, the pediatrician), and she messaged her OB friend at 121 and he told me to come up the next day to be admitted. FINALLY, some relief.
We went up the next morning and I got admitted. I was there for 2 1/2 days. The first 24 hrs I had to do an IV flush, including a banana bag. So I couldn't eat or drink anything. It was miserable. After that, I was able to start trying clear liquids. When that worked, I moved to regular liquids. Finally, the last day, I got real food. It was so nice to eat...very slowly...without feeling like vomiting. The whole time I was being treated with IV's, zantac and reglan by IV. I also got benedryl by IV the second night so I could actually sleep. Having constant IV's made it hard cuz I felt like I had to get up and pee every 30 mins. The benedryl helped that a bit, and the fact that they turned my drip down a lot.
Anyway, so I took a bus home wednesday night and felt great. I had a few really good days and then ended up getting either food poisoning, or the 24 hr bug over the weekend. So the whole next week I was rehydrating again. Then I had a great two weeks and then this last weekend was rough again. But, I'll take a rough day here and there over every day being terrible.
I have struggled mentally, physically (clearly), emotionally and spiritually through this whole ordeal. I have felt I couldn't make it through the pregnancy and that I won't be able to ever do it again. Physically, I couldn't do anything, which made for all of the other struggles. I couldn't cook, clean, take care of my kids, my husband, myself. I had no control over anything. It's such a miserable feeling. Knowing I will be doing this again (pregnancy) in the near future made me struggle spiritually. I couldn't understand how a loving Heavenly Father could make me AND my family go through this hell, just for me to have to do it at least one more time again. I felt alone, abandoned and like He didn't care. I received many blessings, but it seemed the health I was supposedly blessed with would never come. It's the first time I started to lose faith in the priesthood blessings. That is something I have always had a very strong faith in. I started to lose faith in my own abilities as well. I still struggle getting back into that now that I have my health back for the most part. I don't think I had ever felt that low spiritually.
I had amazing help by branch members here. We really are blessed with such a good branch. Matt of course has been the most supportive and never complains. I can tell he's tired. He has had to do everything; work, cook, clean, bathe kids, put kids to bed, help me and not really have time for himself. I couldn't be more blessed to have him.
So, that brings us to now. It is 4:37 in the morning because it seems my struggle now is sleep. I can fall asleep fine as long as Matt rubs my legs. I get nervous legs if he doesn't. BUT, I haven't been able to stay asleep it seems for the past week. So, my morning's are rough because I'm exhausted and irritated. I try to nap during Max's naps but sometimes it doesn't work. It's spring now so lately my mind is preoccupied with cleaning and purging and getting things ready for the baby and I can't seem to shut it off. I've tried benedryl, Tylenol PM and unisom but it seems my body doesn't like diphenhydramine right now and it causes me to have anxiety. I'm getting so desperate that I may ask the dr. for ambien, knowing that it causes me to hallucinate.
So, Harper hasn't suffered as much as she has been in school all day, but poor Max has suffered with my sickness. He has been raised on movies the past few months. The weather was cold and I couldn't handle the smells so I couldn't take him outside. He is a very active little almost 3 year old and has had a hard time getting his energy out. He did start to act out with his behavior but I think we have fixed that for the most part. I do love my babies, and my husband, and I couldn't ask for a better, more understanding family. I just hope to make it up to them by having a happy, healthy baby BOY!
Probably don't know this, but I wish I had been able to take care of you. I would have told you to go to bed and I would've had good times with the kids. Perhaps next time I will be nearby. Love you and your family
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