Blessing in Disguise…???

Well, within hours of being in Korea, Matt found out and one other lady were being transferred to Camp Humphrey's already. I dunno if it's a blessing or not, but after doing some research, it seems like it could be. It just added to the rest of the summer and nothing going as it seems it should. Oh well, I guess….such is life!

So, instead of staying upset at all of the changes and lack of any information, ever, this summer, I decided to start looking things up. First I checked on post housing. The waiting list for pretty much everyone is 6-12 months. So, that took me off post since that seems to be the only option. In Seoul, I didn't really want to live off post because it's so big and I figured our social circle wouldn't go much beyond church. I wanted to have a more diverse social circle and it seemed on post would be the way to go. The housing seemed better as well as it was less high rise and more "house" style housing.

In Pyeongteak it seems the opposite. On post housing are high rise apartments and it seemed easier to find small apartment buildings and houses. So, naturally, I thought off post seemed better. I still do. It's a smaller city and there seems to be more pros than cons to living off post. I found a site that seemed to cater to off post housing and the rentals they post all seem ah-ma-zing!!! I was getting really excited. Then I looked up our OHA (overseas housing allowance) and it is nothing close to what they are charging for rent there. Everything is about $3000/month that I was looking at. I thought it was great because our allowance in Seoul would've been $3500. Nope, not here. The housing allowance calculator told me we get $1407/month. That will only afford crap from what I see. SO, with that said, I hope my husband gets better news about housing and that we actually get more than that. We'd get more than that anywhere in the U.S. I feel like. So, that was a bummer to see and kind of made me not look so forward to it.

Then, there was the pre school issue. I already had Harper signed up and enrolled in pre-k up in Seoul. We were both excited for it. I had to un enroll her today and start a new search. I found a blog right here http://sokoloco.blogspot.com/2013/02/korean-preschool.html that had a great post about an english/korean preschool right off post. It didn't seem to workout for her son, but it is my only option for Harper it seems. She is 6 days too young for the pre school on post. This school doesn't have a site or anything, so I have to wait to check it out until we get there.

Now, what we thought we had figured out just seems like a big mess again. In my mind though, I feel like I shouldn't expect it to go any other way though. Nothing has gone right for us this summer concerning our family or our move. Why should it start now? Well, it'll eventually start as soon as we find out we are getting command sponsorship. I hope that doesn't go south. I'm kind of scared now that it will. I don't have much faith in this whole process anymore but I refuse to lose hope.

And he's off to Korea

So, Matt graduated from BOLC on Friday July 24th. He flew home the next morning. It was nice to have him here for a few days, but it was also a tease. He flew out this morning for Korea. He will be submitting our paperwork once again for command sponsorship once he gets out there. It, according to what I understood from his emails, should be expedited so we should hear back quickly. The contact there has said that they have never heard of anyone being denied sponsorship when submitted after arrival. So, that's good news.

We also finally heard about shipping our stuff. It is all set to be shipped on August 10th. I will have a phone review before that. We reorganized our storage unit and realized that we will most likely be able to send all of our stuff under Matt's house hold goods application as if he were going unaccompanied. He is allowed 3200 lbs. We downsized so much when we left Seattle that it doesn't seem like it should be a problem. SO, with that said, we are hoping to be approved before then and be able to leave the next day. I am not holding my breath though since things haven't gone very well this summer.

Now, I just need to figure out what to send as unaccompanied baggage (arrives quicker) and house hold goods. There are blogs about that when going OCUNOS. So, I'll just have to evaluate what we have and then make a list as I go. I honestly feel like we have such a little amount of things because we planned on starting over when we get there, that it won't really matter when things arrive. Since we are allowed 4 bags free for military when flying through Delta, we won't have a problem taking most of our clothes and such on the plane with us. They did tell me today that they usually only waive the bags if the dependents fly with the active duty member, but I told them our paperwork was screwed up which is why we couldn't go today. She just told me to tell them that when we check in and hopefully that should work. I'm going to bring his old orders and the amended orders which include our names just in case.

Anyway, that's all the news I have. I'm sure I'll have tons to post once Matt starts in processing there. We've just been enjoying the summer sun at my brother and sister in law's house….with their pool. We are very grateful for theirs, my parents, and my in laws hospitality in housing us all summer. We are also grateful for all the help.

Higher ups not happy

Matt was able to speak with Major General Tempel last night at their very casual dinner. He told him about what's been going on with getting us to Korea and everything that's happened this summer. In Matt's words, the general was "visibly upset" about the situation. He immediately called over one of the Colonel's and asked what was being done about the situation. So, I'm grateful to know that this is not the normal with PCSing to Korea. Matt let him know that he has Monday off to try to get things in order with getting our household goods shipped and such, so I guess we can just pray and hope that more can get done during that day.

Matt was also able to speak to someone who just got back from being stationed in Korea and is now heading to Italy. He told Matt that typically the dental corp doesn't have to deal with "big army." But, in Korea it's a bit different. So, all this stuff that is going wrong is due to dealing with "big army." The way he explained that is that usually the dental corp is left to do it's own thing, but in Korea they all have PT at 6:30 in the morning with everyone. So, in other words, the dental corp isn't able to have full control of what it does there. I don't know if anything can be done at this point, I mean Matt leaves for Korea in a week and a half, but I hope that having the issues we've had and letting those higher up know, it'll change for future dental/med personnel PCSing there.

Matt should be able to put in our application the day he gets to Korea. He said it usually takes about 7 days. The hope, for him at least, is that as soon as we are approved we can get on a flight and get out there. I, of course, hope the same thing, but I don't believe that's what will happen. The only reason I'm so pessimistic about it is because of Korea saying they needed to have his application 30 days in advance of him moving there. That makes me think that we will have to wait 30 days after the application is received. I honestly and truly hope that is not the case, but with how amazingly well (please note sarcasm) everything else has gone this summer, it's hard for me to stay optimistic.

On a completely different note, since moving in with my family and having so much to do here on the farm, my kids seem a lot more happy and less stressed. Therefore, I'm doing a lot better as well. I still don't get enough sleep so by 7:00 at night, I'm exhausted and tend to get inpatient with my kids and bed time. I don't do well when I don't get enough sleep. Add in the fact that I haven't been able to start exercising since my miscarriage, and it's a double whammy. I'm allowed to do light exercise, but without enough sleep and time during the day, I'm too tired by the time the kids are in bed to do anything. Hopefully this week I can figure something out. I was wanting to buy a gym pass but didn't want to pay for it if we had a chance of leaving sooner than later. All of these uncertainties pretty much suck, but I'm sure in the long run it'll all make sense why things have happened the way they have.

One day we will get good news, just not today!

A few days ago, Saturday the 11th, I moved the kids and I up to my brother's house. My parents are also living here as my dad works for the U.S. State Department and they are currently in our same situation. He was asked to work full time in Panama so they sold their house. They still haven't head back about when they need to move down there. So, my brother and sister in law have so graciously taken us all in until the government gets on the ball. It's been really nice being here. My daughter is constantly entertained by the farm (15 acres and tons of animals) and her cousins. My son seems to be a lot less stressed too. I have been given my own room and Max has his own room as well. Harper sleeps with her cousins. So, at least I've been allowed more sleep now. That's positive.

On another note, I checked my husband's email again yesterday to see if there are any updates on our status. It seems to be never ending bad news. There was an email from the lady at BOLC who has supposedly been helping them. I say supposedly because she is the one who has been hindering this whole process for all 6 dentists who are going to Korea. She wrote back and said Korea isn't giving in to processing sponsorship because it was "4 days late." Well, come to find out, the paperwork was late because she sent it in late due to the 4th of July holiday. If she would've sent it in before she went on break for the holiday, it probably would've been fine. BUT, she told Matt, from what I remember, something along the lines of "They are on holiday break right now so I'll send it in on Monday."

She also has told them all not to do anything about shipping their household goods or anything yet. Also a mistake. When we tried to make that appointment, they have to know 30 days in advance. That means, even if we got all the applications in today for that appointment, the earliest our goods could be shipped would be August 15th. That's 2 1/2 weeks after Matt has to be in Korea. It also takes up to 3 months or so to receive it all. I was so frustrated yesterday with it all that I told Matt it seems almost easier for him to go unaccompanied and have it last a year and then get all the paperwork done in time for us to go with him to his next post. Of course, that's not the best solution as we all need to be together. The kids miss their dad, I miss their dad and he misses all of us.

Also, after reading emails from his sponsor, it seems we may be stuck living off post. That is the last thing I wanted. I was/am looking forward to having places for my kids to play, and for friends to live near who are in the same situation as us. I didn't want to live off post. His emails said that moving time is July/beginning of August so the on post housing availability fills up quickly. Since Matt won't even have command sponsorship by then, I'm having doubts we will live on post. His sponsor lives off post and preferred that. I wouldn't mind getting into the culture, but the options for living there are mostly high rise apartments. I've been ready to be finished with apartments for a long time now, especially because my high energy kids need yards and places to play. I need a yard and a place to send my kids to play. Everything we need for our lifestyle is on post and it's going to suck not living there. Don't get me wrong, I want to learn and immerse ourselves in the Korean culture, but I also want to have access to the gym, child care, pre school, parks, commissary, exchange and all those other perks. We will of course have access, but will have to travel for it now. This is just me assuming we won't have availability to live on post though. It would be amazing if we do. We will put ourselves on a waiting list for when something becomes available regardless of where we first live.

SO, for any future HPSP students who are PCSing overseas here is what you can learn from this:

• Get command sponsorship done asap. That means, as soon as possible, get your family medical stuff done so that as soon as you are down at BOLC you can send the paperwork in immediately. I'm sure you'd be able to find a military approved facility to get that all done before going to BOLC.
• Know that the process takes time, and time is not on your side. If there is anyone telling you to wait to do something, don't listen to them. 
• As soon as you can, get the appointments necessary to ship HHG and unaccompanied baggage. They have to have notice 30 days in advance before they will set an appointment. It's DOD policy I guess. 
• If possible, get no fee passports, medical and shipping stuff all done at the same time, on a post somewhere. Doing it over the phone is a pain in the butt!!
• Research all the possibilities that can happen with housing. 
• Expect things not to go right all the time. 

Since finding more out yesterday, Matt took some time to go talk to the Col's and others over him in the field at BOLC. They were the ones who realized that the lady who's telling them what to do is at fault for all of this. They are doing what they can to fix the situation. They are also giving him Monday off so he can go to the moving office and set everything up to get all of our stuff shipped in his name as if he's going solo. That is the one benefit of selling the majority of our furniture and stuff before moving. All if it should fit within the weight limit of him going unaccompanied. Also, someone quite a bit higher up will be meeting with the dental students on Saturday. He commissioned Matt to the office of Captain and said if we ever need anything to contact him. Matt plans on talking to him about all of this in hopes he can do something about it. If someone in his position can't do it, then nobody can. He's in the highest position a dentist can be in in the army dental corp. We will see what happens. 

Bad news after Bad news

Matt filled out the application to make an appointment to ship our household goods to Korea a couple of weeks ago. I called yesterday, per his request, to check the status. Fairchild AFB said they hadn't received anything from him and that his app went to a generic something. They said I needed 3 more forms and a set of his orders. ALSO, they couldn't make an appointment until we have command sponsorship. So, bad news number one. I called Matt and he said the lady who is their contact in trying to get everything set up had told them not to do anything with shipping goods and getting things ready to go anyway. So, he sent her an email to ask how this all works. He was able to calm me down a bit and put a tiny bit of optimism back in me. 

This morning I was checking my email and realized I had forgotten to sign out of his last night after I had to send him a few things. I saw an email from his contact. It basically said that Korea sent back our command sponsorship paperwork because they weren't given 30 days to process it. They are fighting it because they weren't given the 30 days due to the holiday. SO....not our fault. With that said, it basically said that the kids and I will be stuck here for another month and that we can figure out a time during that month for me to send our stuff over. By the way, Household goods can take up to 3 months to be received, while unaccompanied baggage can take up to 35 days. There has to be separate applications for both. 

Meanwhile, I'm at the point where not only can my kids not handle the unstructured life, I can't handle it anymore either. I have started to become depressed. Because it's circumstantial, I am not going to get on medicine for it. I am not getting enough sleep, my kids are waking me up 4-5 times a night and the lack of routine and stability is not conducive to the life we are all used to living. I know military life is a life of change, and we can handle that. What we can't handle is going long period of time without our own space, our own stuff and control over our own lives. 

I just got off the phone with Matt and he's on the verge of a breakdown as well due to everything. He has done everything he has been told he needs to do, when he needs to do it, and nothing gives. Korea has said since they didn't get their sponsorship apps (4 days late due to the time off for the 4th of July) in time, they won't process them until after he gets there. That means, we may make it by the end of August. Harper is supposed to start preschool there during that last week. She has been looking forward to it all summer. Meanwhile, we just sold our car and I cannot in good conscious borrow it from my sis in law for 2 months. So, we will either have to buy a car, or rent one. 

Tomorrow we will be moving to my brother's house for the duration of our stay, unless that becomes too much. Otherwise, we will just be going to stay in a hotel suite somewhere in Spokane...regardless of the price. 

Difficulties of Separation?- part 2

This post may be long, but I will separate it into sections to make it easier to read. It'll also allow anyone to skip around if they want to.  This will contain a lot of personal feelings and emotion, so if you don't like that sort of thing, just skip it. So, here goes:

Sick, Pregnant and "Alone"

Before Matt left, I had he and my dad give me a priesthood blessing. We are members of the LDS church and believe the men hold the same priesthood that Christ gave his disciples, which means they can also give blessings as He did. It is all dependent on worthiness and faith. The blessing said that the Lord would bless me to feel better when I need to feel better. It also said to rely on the Lord and trust that He has a plan for me and my family. It said to have faith and everything would be okay. I didn't realize until a week or so later that it never mentioned anything about the baby or it's health. All my blessings with my other kids did. I interpreted the blessing the way I wanted it to be. I would be blessed to have the sickness go away early and that everything would be fine. That's what I thought at least. I was wrong.

Okay, so I was sick and pregnant, but living in a household of people at all times. I wasn't ever even close to being alone, but honestly never felt so alone in my life. I didn't want to rely on anyone, except my parents, for help with my kids and it's really hard for me to ask. When we were at my parent's house, it wasn't too difficult. Everyone at my in-law's house is great, and super helpful, but I just didn't like asking for help. I was grateful enough just to have a place to stay there. They are all quite a bit busier than my semi retired parents. Anyway, the house was chaos. There were cousins in town for a couple of weeks, too much stimulation for all the kids I think, and constant noise.  My kids, having been uprooted multiple times this year, didn't handle this transition very well. Not having their dad with them made it even harder. They didn't understand why he had left. They started acting out, mostly towards me. Harper, my almost 4 year old, would yell at me, talk back to me, listen to everyone else but me and just be flat out mean. UNLESS, I gave her something she wanted. Max, 2 years old, has always been a "mama's boy," but it increased with the chaos. He wanted me near him constantly and would scream if I wasn't. I was still sick and not able to do as much as I'd like to, so that made it hard since he is a very active little guy. His 5 minute bed times turned into 1 1/2-2 hrs for me. If anyone else did it, he would tell them to go away and he'd go to sleep. For me, he was constantly begging me to lay down and stay with him. If i got up, he'd scream. If I thought he was asleep and got up, he'd scream. By the end of every day, I was in tears and calling my husband in a complete breakdown. I was exhausted and didn't sleep well most nights. There wasn't much he could do, of course, except say whatever he thought he needed to in order to make me feel better. The night We got the tickets (huge thanks to my mother in law for those) for me to go visit him I had even told him that I didn't even think I deserved this baby because I couldn't even handle the two kids I already had. Little did I know, I had already lost the baby.

Ultrasound and Discovery of Miscarriage

At this point, I was grateful my husband was a military dentist because I knew there is only a little chance of deployment. I don't know how all these spouses handle the long separations. I'm amazed by them. My husband, I'm sure will be gone here and there for short periods, but not for years.

Anyway, I went in for the ultrasound expecting a routine OB appointment with my kids and I having physicals on top of it for command sponsorship. We decided to get my appointment done first. I lied down for the ultrasound and as soon as I saw the picture, I kind of knew something was wrong. In fact, I had the thought at the back of my mind for a week since I had started to feel a bit better. He measured the baby and it measured 9 weeks 1 day. I was at 11 weeks 3 days gestation. he asked if we had my dates right. We definitely had. My body works like clockwork and my dates are never wrong. The baby also wasn't bouncing around like normal. He checked for a heartbeat, but only saw mine. It was an obvious miscarriage. So, I got teary eyed but didn't break down yet. We had to figure out how to tell Harper that there was no more baby. She was so excited. My father in law just told her that sometimes something doesn't work right, so Heavenly Father has the baby come live with him instead. That seemed to work.

As soon as I left the room, he went and told my sister in law (an ARNP at the clinic). I went into the breakroom to call Matt and then I broke down. She came in and hugged me and welcomed me into the family. She and another one of her sisters had already had 2 miscarriages. I went home after calling my parents and texting my brothers and their wives (I definitely wasn't in the mood to talk on the phone). My sis in law asked how it went and I broke down again. They had planned on taking all kids to see the movie "Inside Out" which was great for me. It gave me time to be alone, pack our bags to go to Spokane for a couple of days, and try to sort through all the emotions. I cried a ton, but mustered up enough to call a friend. Speaking with her helped me sort through a lot of things. After telling her about the blessing I had received, I realized that this was going to happen no matter what I did, and that I hadn't done anything to cause the miscarriage. I just knew it was something I needed to go through, as many women do. The timing still sucked big time though. The blessing was right though. I did start to feel better when I most needed it. It was just through a miscarriage instead of the sickness going away miraculously. I also realized that everything was in the Lord's hands and that it was time for me to concentrate on my kids.

I got another priesthood blessing that night from my dad and brother, which helped me a lot. It said I wouldn't need to feel the normal pain and cramping usually associated with a miscarriage. It mentioned that I needed to trust the Dr. and medical assistants who would be helping me through the process. The Lord is aware of me and my situation and that He will comfort me. I need to trust that He has a plan for my family and I and that I will see that come through. It mentioned two different times that there were still spirits/children for me to bring into this world and that it would happen sooner than later. It said I would have a quick recovery and be able to move my family and get settled into a new country. My interpretation: it let me know that I would end up in the hospital getting a D&C, and that our command sponsorship would be approved. Of course the rest of it was comforting. Those two aspects helped me a lot though.

I spent the next week crying on occasion as I was alone and still trying to sort through everything, but I'm doing okay now.

Hospital Visit

We went in and did another ultrasound at around 8:00 that night. I didn't tell my kids I was going because it was the 2nd night I think that I was able to get them settled down and in bed, in the same room, at the same time. Anyway, there were no changes in the ultrasound from the week before. We went straight over to the hospital and admitted me. I got a round of cytotec started with orders for the nurse to give me 4 rounds every 4 hours up to 4 times. At this point, my cervix was still completely closed and nothing was happening. At about 12:15 in the morning, the cramping started to increase. I knew I was due for another round of meds at 12:45, so I tried to wait til then to call in the nurse. I had tried to sleep, but it didn't work. At about 12:35, I finally called in for pain meds. While she was scanning it all in, I felt a pop and thought I started bleeding. Turns out the pop was like a water breaking. I wasn't expecting that. I started to bleed immediately after. I'm not going to go into too much detail about all this, but I will say that after a little bit of time, I was bleeding and passing big clots. Every time, I thought it was the baby and I couldn't look. I just had to ask as the nurse cleaned it all up. It never was the baby. I don't know how long it went up, but everything was having to be changed about every 15 minutes, with a new clot every time. By 2:45ish the nurse had let my dr. know what was going on and he said he was going to call in the surgical team to get ready for a D&C. I knew the original plan was to do that in the morning after he had gotten to work, so it was apparent to me that something wasn't right.

Right after that call, I passed another clot. After it was cleaned up, I sat up for a second, felt immediately sick and wanted to throw up. I said "I think I'm going to throw up and I feel like I'm going to pass out." Everything was spinning and was starting to go dark. The nurse immediately called in for help and I think like 10 people came in. I don't really know. I just knew that all of the sudden, after throwing up twice, my bed was being tilted so my head was below everything else, I had a 2nd and 3rd IV being put in, heart monitors were going on all over, I had oxygen on and cords were just everywhere. I was still confused and just knew something was wrong. This whole time though, even though no family or anyone was in the hospital with me, I felt and knew I was never alone.

My dr. (father in law) was called and immediately came in. The surgical team had been called and I was being prepped for the surgery. During all this confusion, I had to sign consent forms and such. My father in law had texted Matt  at about 3:15 AM(he was awake at this point since he was 2 hrs ahead) and told him to call home immediately. He was a bit freaked out. He called as I was being rolled into the OR so I was able to explain it all to him before the surgery. I think I went in for surgery just after 4, was knocked out and finished just before 6 AM. I woke up and the first thing was my dr. telling me everything went well and that he had texted Matt to let him know. For some reason that I still don't understand, I had tears rolling down my face when I woke up and I was on the verge of crying. It was hard to talk. I remember thinking "What the heck is going on?" I was also shaking so bad because I was freezing. My whole body was shaking. They hadn't gotten the bear hug blanket going yet, but it was amazing once they did. Anyway, I was wheeled up to my room to recover.

They made me start eating at about 8:00. First liquids (which tasted nasty) and then some toast. I hadn't eaten in like 14 hours but wasn't all that hungry. Then they had to draw blood to see how much I had lost and if I needed a transfusion. My dr. had told me that the transfusion would help me recover quicker, so I was kind of hoping I needed it. I was still planning on getting on a plane the next afternoon to visit Matt and I didn't want anything to stop me.

So, I read online that normal H&H (hemoglobin and hematocrit) levels for an adult female are between 12-16 for hemoglobin and 28-36% for hematocrit. I still have no idea what the means. I just know that I was told my levels were at 7.1 and 22%. Therefore, I got a blood transfusion of 2 liters. I was finally trying to sleep, but had to get my vitals checked every 15 minutes during the process. I was FINALLY able to get some sleep after the transfusion was finished and I had been approved to walk around on my own. All but one IV was taken out and I was finally able to get comfortable on the bed. After checking my blood one more time, my levels had gone up a bit and I was discharged at around 6:00 PM. I was told at home that I was only functioning on about 2/3 of my normal blood level and had lost around 40% or a little more of my blood volume. He also mentioned that I probably would've passed the baby on my own after a couple of hours more in the hospital, but that I would've lost way too much blood. They would've had to continue with transfusions just to keep me alive and that I'd be sick for a few weeks. I was glad he told me that at home instead of in the hospital. He saw that I was doing okay and approved me to go see Matt, as long as my sister in law drove me to the airport. Thank goodness!!! I needed this trip.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Throughout the whole process, I realized how sucky it was not to be going through it with Matt. I didn't even really know how he felt. He said, it was sad of course, but that we just needed to figure out how to move on. It was pretty easy for me to talk about at this point, so I thought I was maybe doing okay. I had accepted that there was no baby so I thought I was good. It was during my forever long flights (4 hour delay after an already 3 hr layover) that I realized I was still not okay emotionally. I pretty much silently cried the whole flight from Denver to San Antonio. It didn't help that it was early hours of the morning, I can't sleep on planes, and I was exhausted. I knew I needed to kind of sort it through with Matt to help me overcome it all, but I didn't want our weekend together to be ruined by that. So, I would mention it here and there, but not too much. The last night we were together, I asked for another blessing. Once again, it was beautiful and very comforting. BUT, that brought on the tears. I told him that for some reason, I couldn't get the picture from the ultrasound of the dead baby in my belly out of my head. I told him I just felt kind of empty. Then, I just cried cuddled up to him the rest of the night while he studied for a test he had in the morning. I woke up the next morning, and have been fine emotionally since. I think I just needed that time to cry and be comforted by him.

So, now I'm doing a lot better. I'm obviously still exhausted as it will take 4-5 weeks for my body to catch up to my normal blood levels. I also have a bit more to go for recovery, but I am able to play with my kids and do other things....as long as I get enough sleep. I'm still a bit of a beast if I don't get enough sleep. So far, the two nights I've been home I haven't gotten enough sleep haha. It'll come though. I'm lucky enough to have an amazing sis in law here who takes the kids while I need to take a nap. I know I am beyond blessed. I will see why this needed to happen, eventually, but for now I'm okay with it. I know I will have more children, more sickness, more happiness, and lots of family adventures coming in the near future. I look forward to it, and am grateful to be blessed with everything I have. I have two amazing, supporting families; a great husband who loves and adores the kids and I, and a Heavenly Father who loves me and is aware of me and wants what's best for me. I may not understand or see that plan now, but I know I will eventually. I take comfort in that.

Difficulties of separation?- Part 1

Okay, so I know I am nothing like most military wives. Matt has only been gone for 4 weeks and chances are he won't ever be deployed like most enlisted. BUT, with that said, I feel that I have had a small glimpse of the difficulties of being separated from a spouse for military reasons. Granted, I have been extremely blessed and have been able to still talk to him nightly on a cell phone. That still doesn't make it easy. I honestly feel like the first 3 weeks were my own personal hell, but it has a preface. ALSO, I want to mention that this post will have some of my religious background mentioned in it.

So, back at the beginning of May, we found out we were expecting. It was planned, and we knew it would make things a bit more difficult. Our youngest was just turning 2 and we didn't want a huge separation between he and the next one. The problem, I get really sick when I'm pregnant. We knew we had 3 moves coming up (one to my parents, then to my in laws, then to Korea), lots of traveling for school, and Matt being gone for 6 weeks at BOLC. I never imagined it would be as difficult as it has proved to be though. So, instead of going into all the emotions of what's been going on right off the bat, here's another timeline:

• May 2015- Found out we were expecting (4 weeks or so along). 
• May 20th (roughly)- started feeling the morning sickness at about 6 1/2 weeks. 
• At 7 weeks, got an ultrasound :)
• May 21-28th- Started to try to pack up and get things ready to move. 
• May 25th- My mom came to help because Matt was still working and I was too sick to pack up and take care of the kids. We couldn't have moved when we needed to if not for her help. Thanks mom! 
• May 28th- Moved to my parents, who so graciously took care of the kids because I was sick. I was on zofran at this point and still throwing up at nights. My morning sickness came mostly at night. 
• June 2-6th- In Seattle for all of the graduation festivities. We stayed at my husband's uncle's house where I was sick most of the time. I even missed one of the big dinners for graduates. My husband took our daughter as his date and I kept our son. I got so sick on the way home after graduation that I was miserable the whole time. 
• June 9th- Visit to the in-laws house. I was sick, my father in law was actually my OB, so my husband asked him to get me an IV (I was pretty dehydrated due to the fact that most liquids and I did not get along). 
• June 11th- Matt left for BOLC
• June 14th ish- The kids started acting out (mostly towards just me) due to stress, lack of stability, no routine, no familiarity and our constant moving around. I was still really sick so it made it really hard on me. My parents had to take over a lot, all while trying to pack up and move out of their house as well. 
• June 19th- Move to the in-laws. I had started to feel a bit better for some reason, even though it was a month earlier than normal. I thought it was just the answer to a priesthood blessing (something practiced in my religion) I had received from my husband which mentioned I would be blessed to feel better when I need to feel better. 
• June 21st- Got flights to visit Matt in Texas during the 4th of July weekend since he had 3 days off. Finally, something to look forward to. Kids were not coming with me. At this point, I had been breaking down every night on the phone to my husband because my kids were being so difficult for me. 
• June 23rd- Ultrasound at 11 weeks 3 days. I had the kids with me because we had our physicals scheduled at the same time for our EFMP. Found out I had miscarried. I didn't think things could get worse, but I was proved wrong. The baby measured 9 weeks 1 day and of course there was no heartbeat. My body hadn't shown any signs of a miscarriage. 
• June 26th- Appt at Fairchild AFB for no fee passports. They didn't keep my appointment, made me wait for an hour and then basically said they couldn't help me because they were closing. The Sergeant over passports was extremely rude to me. I was feeling lots of anger that day due to the miscarriage, and it wasn't all that great for anyone in my way. My kids had been at other family's houses while I tried to process the miscarriage, but I picked them up that day. 
• June 30th- 2nd appt at the AFB and it went much better. Meanwhile, my body still hadn't show signs of miscarriage, but my heart rate was extremely high. 120 the whole day before, and that morning it had gotten up to 160. My mom was worried and insisted I go to urgent care. My Dr. told me to come home and he'd admit me to get things going in the hospital. 
• That night- got an ultrasound, nothing had changed. Got admitted to the hospital to start the process of expelling the baby. 
• July 1- Middle of the night cytotek working too well and I lost too much blood. Emergency D&C, went well, blood transfusion to follow. All of this was done alone by the way. 
• July 2-6th- Approved to still fly out to see Matt. I needed this trip and was grateful my father in law let me go, even though I was operating on 2/3 of my normal blood volume. 

Okay, so there's my timeline so far. I actually need to take a break so I will post more about this in my next post. It'll be more detailed as far as emotions and such go. 

PCS and Command Sponsorship

Okay, so as I said in a previous post, we tried to start getting the ball rolling to prepare us all and get approved to go to South Korea as a family, but were denied due to Matt not being active duty. He became active duty the day he reported to BOLC (June 12th). We still didn't know what we fully needed to do, but we knew we needed to apply for command sponsorship in order to ensure that the kids and I are approved to PCS (permanent change of station) with him. Everyone has to apply for command sponsorship when going over seas no matter what post they are being sent to. It ensures that the military approves of and will pay for the family to move and live over there.

It seems like an easy process, but trying to do it with the sponsor (Matt) and the spouse (me) being a long ways from each other made it very difficult. Here's what needed to be done for command sponsorship for us:

• Fill out the application and have it authorized by the right person. I don't really know who that was, but Matt figured that out down in Texas. 
• BEFORE BOLC, get all powers of attorney you may possibly need. 
• Make sure you have regular passports for all family members ASAP.
• Enroll kids in DEERS, which puts them in the military system. 
• Get all the EFMP (exceptional family military program) stuff done. That is pretty much just a comprehensive physical for all family members stating what kind of health we are in. The military has to make sure they have the resources and facilities to facilitate any medical problems family members may have before they can be approved to move there. 
• Matt then had to send all that paperwork in to JBLM so they could make sure we had everything we needed. 
• They sent it back to him
• He had to give it to someone at BOLC to send it to Korea. That just happened 2 days ago. We hope they are quick in approving us. 
• Once approved by Korea, new family orders will be given to Matt (supposedly that same day) stating we are approved to go and then we can get the ball rolling on all that. Hopefully it's sooner than later because Matt already has his flights to Korea. I don't really want to travel with 2 toddlers alone all that way. 
• Meanwhile, we are living just over an hour away from Fairchild AFB (the closest military installation to us) and I have had to go there to get no-fee passports for the kids and I. It's been a nightmare of a process. Luckily we don't have to have those in order get into Korea because they take 6-8 weeks. We will need them within 90 days of arriving though. They basically grant us permission to live there for up to 5 days and allow us to get visas as soon as we get there. 
• We also have to set at least two appointments (at least that's what I was told) in order to make sure our household goods are shipped to Korea. That should've been done already, but since we don't have command sponsorship, it makes it difficult to do so. The first appointment is to see what needs to be shipped with the second being the one where they pack up and send your stuff. Ours is all in a storage unit so it shouldn't be too terribly hard. We sold the majority of our furniture and big things before leaving Seattle last December, so it all almost fits in a 10x10 unit. 

So, like I said, it doesn't seem like a hard process, but when families are separated, it gets difficult. Prepare for that, if possible, and try to get it all done together. We almost paid to fly the kids and I down to Texas just to get it all finished quickly, but it was too expensive. Now, it's just the waiting game for us. 

BOLC and PCS preparation

Matt finished school at the end of May with graduation held on June 6th. His BOLC started June 12th. So, here's a quick timeline of how the few weeks before he left went for us. A quick preface though; due to being a RIDE student, Matt spent his last semester practicing as a dentist in Chelan, WA at a community health clinic. So, we had moved there for 5 months. Our lease was up on May 29th, the same day he was to finish school. That made it a quick move. I will do a separate post on that next. So, the timeline:

• May 28th- Last day for him at the Community Health Clinic. He loved his experience there and got to work on lots of kids. 
• May 28th- We moved out of our town home in Chelan completely and took all our stuff to my parent's house, where we'd been storing much more in their barn all throughout dental school. We were now starting to manage a life of no routine, no stability, no familiarity (their toys and such were all packed up) and chaos. For 2 toddlers (ages almost 4, and barely 2), that is very difficult. 
• June 1st- Got storage unit and started moving sorting through our stuff and move everything to the unit. 
• June 2nd- Head back to Seattle to finish up everything before graduation. He had one class, a few banquets and dinners and things of that nature. 
• June 6th 9:00 AM- Matt was commissioned as a Captain in the U.S. Army by two star Major General Tempel. He is the head of the Army Dental Corp and it was an honor to have him do the commissioning. We were lucky that he was recently stationed at JBLM. Once he heard about these two officers needing to be commissioned, he insisted on doing it. 
• June 6th 2:00 PM- Graduation for the 2015 University of Washington School of Dentistry. 
• June 6th- After graduation, we drove back to my parents house to try to get things settled before Matt had to leave for BOLC. 
• June 7th- June 8th- Finish cleaning up our stuff and putting it in storage. 
• June 9th-11th- Visit Matt's family before he leaves for BOLC because he didn't know if he'd see them before he reports to South Korea
• June 11th- Fly to San Antonio
• June 12th- July 25th- BOLC training in San Antonio at Fort Sam Houston. First three weeks are classes, the last 3 weeks are held in the field Monday-Friday, with Officers back in their hotels for the weekend*. 
• June 19th- The kids and I moved to my in-laws due to the fact that my parents also had some un-planned changes in their lives and they sold their house so they could move to Panama. 
• July 11th- Move to my brother's house in Spokane for the remaining weeks before Matt gets home from BOLC. We wanted to visit them for awhile since we don't know when we will see them again. 
• July 25th- Home from BOLC. The military will pay for flights strait from BOLC to their new posts, but not flights in between. As a result, Matt paid for his own flight back to Spokane before flying out to Korea. 

There is a lot that has happened, and will happen (today is only July 8th) during all this time, but I will detail that in a future post. It's mostly aimed at military spouses.

*We were told by the head of the Army Dental Corp that BOLC will be changing really soon. It will consist of two different BOLC trainings. The first will be with all officers enlisted, and the second will be just with Medical personnel. Right now, Matt's is just with medical personnel for the whole 6 weeks. 

4th year of Dental School

We knew during Matt's 4th year of dental school we would have to figure out how to get the ball rolling with his training and PCS orders and such. Luckily, at that point, an awesome recruiter had been sent to JBLM and contacted Matt and another dental student who was in the program. If you ever have a problem with needing information, just contact the local recruiting office and they should put you in contact with the right person....eventually. We were able to get the information needed to figure out how to send in our "requests" for where we'd like to be stationed. That was done at the beginning of 4th year. We later got back a response with a list of probably 30 posts we could choose from. They had us send back a list of 10 preferences in the order we wanted. We chose, in this order I think, Germany, Italy, Belgium, Japan, Korea, 3 different posts in Virginia, North Carolina and Kentucky. It was at this point that Matt finally had someone to contact with questions.

All dental students have to apply for an AEGD (advanced education in general dentistry)with the military at the beginning of 4th, regardless of their desire to fulfill one. Matt applied, got accepted, and then declined. After talking with other military dentists and doing some research, he felt he'd get great exposure just working on post. There is a 1 year AEGD, or a 2 year comprehensive option. If you choose to do either of those, they don't count as part of giving your years back to the military, but they don't count against you either. They are dead years. So, if you chose the 1 year AEGD, you'd have a 5 year military commitment after dental school. You do get paid a salary at your rank during those dead years though, so that's something to consider.

We were told at the beginning of January of his 4th year (so the last semester) that we would receive orders by the beginning of March. EVERYTHING is done by email, so make sure you have one email address where everything military is sent. I know my husband has 3-4 different email addresses so I quit trying to keep up. The beginning, and the middle of March passed and I was getting anxious. I learned to expect all sorts of delays with the military; after all, they are a government institution. We all know how efficient the government agencies are haha.

So, I think we finally got our orders on March 21st. It was the day I was talking to a wife of a retired army officer and she said we probably shouldn't expect them until the end of the month. We were visiting his family and I had literally just been complaining about not knowing where we were going when he came in and said "we got our orders, guess where we're going?" I guessed Oklahoma or something like that because the last place I wanted to go was to the midwest. I love my mountains, and I hate the idea of tornados for some reason. So, I skimmed through the email to find we are being sent to..... SOUTH KOREA. That was honestly the last place I thought we'd go haha, but we were excited. We honestly just really wanted to go overseas. We wanted a chance to expose our young kids to other cultures. Korea isn't a place many people put on their list, and we have since learned that anyone who did put it anywhere on their list, that's where they were sent. The military has been trying to make it seem like a more family friendly place since most people still think of it as a hardship tour. A hardship tour is one where your family usually won't go, and it won't last longer than a year. Korea has changed from that, but it seems most people don't really know that.

So, when you are trying to choose your preferences, do some research and make sure you think of what will be best for your family, and for your future dental career. ALSO, if you are unfamiliar with military life, be prepared to not understand much from your orders. We had to sit at a computer and look up all the acronyms in order to understand everything from the orders. It took probably an hour at least.

We were really excited to get the ball rolling on everything to ensure we (the kids and I) were able to go with Matt, but the military wasn't used to people being on the ball about everything and quickly let us know that we had to wait to do anything until he was active duty. This, was very frustrating. His orders were for him to report to BOLC at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio on June 12th, and to Yongsan in South Korea no later than July 30th. He wasn't allowed to report early to BOLC, but could report as early as he wanted to South Korea. Since training ran through July 25th, an early report wasn't in the cards for us.

Army HPSP and Dental School.

I have a blog I started after we got married which I kept up until just over a year ago. It became too hard to keep up, and with instagram and chatbooks , it seems pretty easy to use those as a "journal." So, I'm now in the process of turning that blog into some books, then I'm going to close it down and just use this one.

My husband had the idea of me starting this blog to serve two purposes. The first, to serve as information to those who are doing dental/medical through the HPSP program because there is not much out there in the internet world for those of us in this situation. It became really frustrating not having any military contact person when questions arose. The second purpose, just to keep up with our life as an active duty family.

So, with that said, Matt decided to do the HPSP program through the army mainly because they offered a 4 year scholarship. He didn't want to serve on ships so that crossed off the navy. The airforce only offered 3 year scholarships and we didn't want to deal with any large student loans. There are pros and cons to all branches, so I'd suggest researching them to find out what suits you and your family best. The army's HPSP link will be at the end of this post.

Matt was commissioned as a 2nd LT at the end of February or March (I can't remember exactly) in 2011. He had always wanted to serve our country and sometimes wished he had done it during undergrad. Life just hadn't worked out that way though.

During your years in school, you are in the reserves. There is a mandatory ADT (active duty training) every year, but since Matt's schooling was year round, his orders were always just to do what he needed to do as a dental student. During that short period (45 days), he was paid what he'd be paid at his rank if he were active duty. He wasn't required to do BOLC (basic officer training course) during school due to time constraints as well. The rest of the time, we received a monthly stipend of around $2100/month. This helped greatly reduce the amount of loans needed just for living expenses. I stayed at home with our kids during this time and did odd jobs from home here and there. We did, on occasion, need to take out a small amount of loans though. In total, undergrad included, we ended up with just under $31,000 in loan debt. Not too bad for a DDS.

During dental school, military questions would arise, and we didn't really know who to talk to. His recruiter had retired, I believe, and due to the fact that he did the RIDE program at University of Washington, we moved around. His first year was done in Spokane where he was recruited. After that, we moved to Seattle and had absolutely no military contacts. We had issues with receiving our stipend. His "mypay" account wouldn't allow him to change bank accounts for some reason and we always got the run around when trying to call and figure that out. A spouse can't do anything by the way, the service member has to take care of anything military. I had an ID and was able to get discounts at places, but that was about the extent of it.

4th year was a different story, so my following post will be about that.

Here is the link to the Army's HPSP information: http://www.goarmy.com/amedd/education/hpsp.html